I married a woman forty years younger than me. Of course, that was forty years ago.
Matrimony --> Harmony --> Acrimony --> Agony --> Testimony --> Alimony
I suggested one of my buddies for a single woman in town. My wife replied, "She wants an eligible guy. Not a guy eligible for parole."
My wife on rose wine: "Either stand up and be a red, or sit down and be a white!"
My wife told me "Don't be an idiot!" Doesn't she know that's one of my strengths?
My wife says that by the time she drank enough to sing karaoke, she'd pass out first.
My wife doesn't bother with thrill rides. She gets enough thrills from my driving.
I told my wife I'd like to be a conductor. She said, "Go stick your finger in a light socket."
My asocial wife says she won't even go to her own funeral.
My wife is trying to become a travel advisor, since she's always telling me where to go.
My wife is a "meta-snob": she won't even hang out with snobs!
I don't usually hike; mostly it's only when my wife tells me to go take one.
My wife teaches by example: "Girls, don't make the same mistake I did." She lets me tag along at these sessions.
My wife likes the "Find Friends" app, but she'd like a "Find Me Some New Friends" app too.
My wife says my priorities are misplaced. So I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find them.
My wife didn't marry me for money. She married me for revenge.
My wife said she wishes I was a broken clock. "At least then you'd be right twice a day."
Sometimes my wife says she's building up karma points by not doing something she's inclined to do.
My wife paraphrases Ben Franklin: "If my iPad and iPhone don't sync together, they shall surely sink separately."
My wife says that living with me is a repetitive stress injury.
My wife says of me: "He's never danced with me. But I bet he'll dance on my grave!"
One retail shop that Wal-Mart won't put out of business: An adult book/video store!
My wife says, "Forget diet pills. Why doesn't someone try to develop peace pills?"
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