The closest I'll get to Jesus is wearing sandals.
The many dumb things we do increase our enjoyment of the few smart things we do.
Even a nearsighted man can see true beauty without eyeglasses.
We have Holocaust deniers: Why no Nazi deniers?
There's no good measurement system for fun. We only have No Fun, Fun, a Lot Of Fun, and Too Fun.
The smile that lights up your eyes changes the way that others see the world.
Don't try to figure people out. Just ask what they want, do what you think is right, and convince them it was their idea.
Whether the door is an entrance or exit depends on your point of view.
Some people worship God, others worship Gold: You decide for yourself.
You can waste your life seeking the fountain of youth, or abandon the search and live with the truth.
Sometimes even instant gratification isn't quick enough.
If your life is going nowhere, at least you can't lose your way.
If you're a nobody, you needn't worry about identity theft.
Some people are looking for love. Others are just looking for lunch.
Even a broken record's right, twice a day...twice a day...twice a day...
I'm torn between raising my consciousness and lowering my expectations.
If you're late arriving "at 11-ish," when does that turn into "12-ish?"
At a restaurant, I heard a couple say, "We're waiting for change." But doesn't change have to come from within?
Gandhi to Edison: "The road to Hell is paved with good inventions."
Thinking outside the box sometimes requires that you find a different box!
When you know that you don't know, then you know more than if you didn't know you didn't know.
I'm glad I live in an area where people run for exercise, rather than to escape from criminals.
I read a really neat quote. I forget if it was from Dali Lama or Dolly Parton.
In our daily lives, we all hide our fears, prejudices, and hangups. But if we're called for a jury, that's the time to let 'em leak through.
I won't lie to you; there's no such thing as the Truth Fairy.
When people ask me what I think of change, I say, "Well, it's different."
When diplomacy fails, try fencing. En Garde!
It's hard to feel animosity toward someone before you've got your own act together.
My wife says, "Forget diet pills. Why doesn't someone try to develop peace pills?"
When asked for a password, I tried many things and did not succeed. Then I took the Zen approach: I used nothing and I achieved success.
Some new TV comedy said, "Viewer Discretion Advised." So I used my discretion: I decided it wasn't worth watching!
You can't really say you hate Arabs until you're willing to switch to Roman numerals.
Approval vs. Rejection: I seek the former when I use a credit card, and the latter if called for jury duty.
If we're gonna have anarchy, I want to be in charge!
I'm not a robot. Never have been. Unless I am a robot and they've erased my memory of being one.
No wonder I'm lost: I'm a software guy in a hardware store.
Sanity is overrated.
I used to think the world was going to Hell in a handbasket. Nowadays, I doubt it will even get there.
Instead of teaching political science, perhaps we should be teaching political silence.
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