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People quote Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde all the time. Why not me?

(All are original lines made up by me.)



































Click Any Link Above To See Quotes In That Category






Sometimes it seems as if my computer has a Ouija keyboard.

Sometimes I think that software isn't quite in control, as if operates more like a suggestion to the computer.

With the automation on our devices, sometimes creepiness exceeds convenience.

My printer has a setting for legal paper. Does a criminal's printer take illegal paper?

Never mind more fiber in my diet. I want more fiber in my Internet connection!

I spend so much time scrolling through all the Netflix offerings that I don't have time to watch anything!

Now that I have an iPhone, can I still go to church on Palm Sunday?

If there were no Nazis, what would Internet arguments devolve to?

If you're a nobody, you needn't worry about identity theft.

I'm not sure I want a time machine. There are so many possibilities, I wouldn't know what to do first!

The James Webb telescope: Ooh! Can we can see web pages from other galaxies?

On Earth Day, I asked the PG&E guy "How is my electricity generated?" He replied "One electron at a time, sir."

I asked Siri, "Where's the nearest bookstore?" She replied "In your hand! Shall I launch the Amazon app?"

I ruined my laptop when I was brushing my teeth: I was gargling while googling.

Just once, I'd like to see a web site with a button labeled "I'm a robot."

Between my iPhone and Apple Watch, I've got more alarms going off than at a nuclear meltdown.

Yes, I am a robot, dammit! What are you gonna do about it?

I got a smart phone, then promptly lost a battle of wits with the damn thing.

The most-spoken words on mobile phones: "Can I call you back?"

I want "generic" caller-ID. Perhaps just Sales Call, Political, Fund-Raiser, or Annoying Client. Maybe one more for A*hole.

I don't worry about my iPhone's battery life. Let it do the worrying! I have my own life to keep me busy.

Seems to me the most-often clicked web link is "Forgot password."

People often have trouble getting onto the Internet. My problem is that I can't get off!

I got an email titled "The pen is mightier than the sword." My spam filter deleted it.

I couldn't find my ass with both hands and a map. So I got me a GPS.

I'm backing up your data to the cheapest CD-R media I could find.

I know how to save your data, but not your soul.

I'm working on a time machine. I'm way behind in getting it finished. But when it's done, it'll be ready right on the original schedule. (After all, it's a time machine, right?)

Is that an encrypted message, or is it just written in Welsh?

In sci-fi movies, putting on an alien helmet usually boosted intelligence. Sometimes it seems that bicycle helmets do the opposite.

I got a ticket for texting while driving. But I was able to pay it from my phone without even stopping!

My wife paraphrases Ben Franklin: "If my iPad and iPhone don't sync together, they shall surely sink separately."

Adobe tries, but they don't quite succeed: The spirit is willing, but the Flash is weak.

Some people update their software simply because they're bored. After updating, they're no longer bored!

When asked for a password, I tried many things and did not succeed. Then I took the Zen approach: I used nothing and I achieved success.

The Great Equalizer: All dropped laptop computers become the same.

I acknowledge the existence of a higher power, and have therefore installed surge suppressors.

I'm not a robot. Never have been. Unless I am a robot and they've erased my memory of being one.

Didn't the Rolling Stones sing "Hey You Get Offa iCloud?"

They say the grass is greener. But colors may vary depending on your computer screen.

No wonder I'm lost: I'm a software guy in a hardware store.

Missouri: The "Show-Me, but I'll believe it if I read it on Twitter" state.

How long will it take? Will it be three minutes? Or will it be three software-update minutes?

They're gonna foreclose on my intellectual property.

A client's smart TV stopped showing Netflix. I arrived, she turned it on, and it was fine. That's my touchless magic-touch service.

Copyright © 2022 - Rick Auricchio