The closest I'll get to Jesus is wearing sandals.
There are two major religions in Italy. #2 is the Catholic church. #1 is food.
We have Holocaust deniers: Why no Nazi deniers?
Lord, give me patience. Right now!
If I must pay for my sins, can I at least use a credit card?
For some people, life is simply a series of bridges from one sin to the next.
Some people worship God, others worship Gold: You decide for yourself.
If God calls, be sure it isn't collect.
At a restaurant, I heard a couple say, "We're waiting for change." But doesn't change have to come from within?
Ever hear of the First Church Of Crap? The church's outlook on life: "Most of it is crap."
The church never did tell me whether Jesus could turn sparkling water into sparkling wine.
Why does a church need handicapped parking spots? Shouldn't they be making lame men walk?
Some feel God has begun to abandon us. After all those years without a promotion, I can see why he'd slack off.
Sign on a church: God missed you last Sunday. Next week he won't miss.
I don't have St. Christopher on my car's dashboard: I've got saints Adamo through Zacharias. You can't be too careful.
Morning prayer: "Lord, please send out a bulk apology for all the dumb things I'll do today."