When my kids inherit my musical instruments, they'll learn the true meaning of "heir guitar."
I don't listen with earbuds: The music interferes with the voices in my head.
According to a recent medical study, playing air-guitar is good for you!
Did you say "Turn up the Volume?" or "Turn up the Valium?"
Singing along with Harry Chapin recordings? Is that Harry-Oke?
I wonder if pirates would have better enrollment if it didn't involve singing.
Why is it that everyone wants to boogie down, but nobody ever seems to boogie up?
Folk music: It's all "Puff the dragon rowed the Kumbaya boat ashore to Guantanamera."
I knew a musician who was arrested. He used his one phone call to book a gig.
Sometimes I have to play a song I've heard but never played before. I'm reminded of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: You can know either when the chord changes happen, or where they're going. But not both!
The most important Karaoke safety equipment: earplugs!
You've made the big time when you don't have to bring your own hecklers to the show.
"Mom, can I quit school to join a Japanese musical drama group?" "Noh!"
If I want to install piped-in music, do I hire a musician? Or a plumber?
She said "...and we sing bad karaoke." How can you tell?
I must be a white man: when all is going to Hell, I don't grab a guitar and sing about it.
My woman split, took all my money / Left me here in the summer heat / Now I'm broke and hot with a broken heart.
My wife says that by the time she drank enough to sing karaoke, she'd pass out first.
"Highways jammed wid bwoken hewoes on a wass chance powah dwive." -- Bwuce Spwingsteen
I could fix audio equipment, so I got a job as a disco-tech in a discotheque. But I hated those outdoor gigs: I was a discontent in a disco-tent.
Scotsman to composer: "Aye, Shostakovich, but I dinna shoot the deputy."
Was that a swarm of killer bees attacking a flock of geese? Nope, it's just Bob Dylan's harmonica.
You want me to be an organ donor? But I only have a piano.
I don't play banjo. I just carry one around because people will pay me to not play it.
Didn't the Rolling Stones sing "Hey You Get Offa iCloud?"
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