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People quote Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde all the time. Why not me?

(All are original lines made up by me.)



































Click Any Link Above To See Quotes In That Category






Sometimes I have to play a song I've heard but never played before. I'm reminded of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: You can know either when the chord changes happen, or where they're going. But not both!

The James Webb telescope: Ooh! Can we can see web pages from other galaxies?

The universe isn't really expanding. It's just that we compare it with grocery food packages, which are getting smaller!

The Large Hadron Collider's biggest accomplishment to date: dramatically demonstrating the collision between theory and practice.

Licking a 9v battery to test it is like opening your car's gas cap and sniffing to measure the amount of fuel in the tank.

If everyone changed one light bulb to fluorescent, it would be like taking 7 million cars off the road. But where would we park them all?

I did so poorly in science class that I got an Absolute Zero.

Why do I need a solar calculator? I know how far away the sun is.

The problem with superstition is that it's more seance than science.

I'm working on a time machine. I'm way behind in getting it finished. But when it's done, it'll be ready right on the original schedule. (After all, it's a time machine, right?)

One trip to Italy will convince you that self-driving cars will never exist there.

Advantage #5 of driving at the speed of light: No chance that another car can rear-end yours.

Advantage #2 of driving at the speed of light: You can't see a police car's red light in your mirror.

Gandhi to Edison: "The road to Hell is paved with good inventions."

For some people, even simple problems are like rocket calculus nuclear brain physics surgery.

They can strip Pluto's status as a planet. But not his status as a dog.

Advantage #1 of driving at the speed of light: Whenever you approach a red traffic light, it always appears green.

Advantage #3 of driving at the speed of light: You can make use of the "slingshot effect" on the curves.

Disadvantage #1 of driving at the speed of light: Flashing your high beams at a car in front does no good.

Disadvantage #2 of driving at the speed of light: You can't see the reflectors in the road.

I acknowledge the existence of a higher power, and have therefore installed surge suppressors.

I just bought a timeshare condo from H. G. Wells.

In the words of the immortal Gugliemo Marconi, "This ain't my first radio."

I was struck by inspiration or by lightning, one or the other.

When we become a completely paperless society, will there be Liquid Paperless?

Disadvantage #3 of driving at the speed of light: Your cellphone can only call those in your direction of travel.

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