I'm now old enough that my dentist and two doctors have retired. Guess I'm doing OK.
My doctor's office voicemail said "We appreciate your patience" But do they appreciate their patients?
As I get older, it seems my eyeglass lenses are more progressive than I am.
They say blood is thicker than water. But not when you're taking Coumadin.
I went for a blood test. Instead of phlebotomy I seemed to have gotten a lobotomy.
Moushon's Syndrome: The only symptom: You can't understand what it is, no matter how it's explained to you.
It's a good thing we've got cheekbones, or else the human species would lose a lot more eyes.
According to a recent medical study, playing air-guitar is good for you!
If you had acupuncture at the same time, would that ease the pain of getting a tattoo?
As far as organ transplants go, I'm on the waiting list for a new brain.
My medical insurance wrote to me: "To cut paperwork and save trees, we've decided not to pay any claims."
Did you say "Turn up the Volume?" or "Turn up the Valium?"
My doctor ordered a test. It came back negative. Turns out it was an IQ test.
The hospital gave me a bunch of tests. One turned out to be the SAT. I actually think I did pretty well on it.
If you're gonna answer your phone during a job interview, it had better be about your upcoming organ transplant.
You want me to be an organ donor? But I only have a piano.
My wife says, "Forget diet pills. Why doesn't someone try to develop peace pills?"
I have a friend who has a tattoo/voodoo/acupuncture shop. Whatever you need done with needles, he does it.
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